I've been waiting so long, to be where I'm going

(Cream)

I have moments where I feel like we can't possibly be adults. The responsibility and the pressure is just too much. I want someone to hold my hand and pay my electric bill. And then, I think about J. And I just feel so relieved. Like, I can do this if I know that you're next to me. And then I balance our checkbook and I'm like, awesome, sometimes we are doing better than I think we are.

So, kids, I have a wedding dress! I can't tell you what it looks like because the fiance does pop over here occasionally and it's not physically in my possession yet but, it has been ordered and I really love it! It's actually not what I originally thought I wanted, but it's very "me" and had several elements that I already knew I liked. And that's all I can really say about that. Except that I am so happy! Both to have the dress I love and to be done searching!

I ordered it from Bridals by Lori on our trip to Atlanta last week-end. Wonderful, awesome trip.  We stayed with Winnie and her husband (also a J) and they are just the best hosts. Friday night, we had dinner at Woodfire Grill, Kevin Gillespie's restaurant. If you watched Top Chef last year, you'll know who I'm talking about- the bearded one. The food was good enough, but we did the tasting menu which had a paltry amount of food (And I'm not one of those American eat everything on my plate please give me enough food for a family of four type people. And I know what a tasting menu sized portion normally is. This was still small.) and the courses were timed really slowly. I know they were slammed, but having 30 minutes between tasting menu courses just makes you extra hungry. I ate my dessert and J's and still felt unsatisfied. But, much champagne was consumed, so you know. It was a good night.

Winnie and I braved Bridals by Lori the next day to try to find the dress. I was really nervous before we went, for a lot of reasons. Dress shopping thus far had obviously not gone as well as I'd have hoped. I was nervous because Bridals by Lori is such a big store, with so many brides, and the reviews about it were decidedly mixed. Although the sales person that was assigned to me was sick and not there, and I had to be shuffled to someone else, I ended up quite happy with the whole experience. Winnie was fantastic and supportive and level-headed throughout the whole day, Bridals by Lori had an excellent selection of dresses, I didn't feel pressured, they tried really hard to be aware of my budget, I loved the dress I decided on- which was less expensive than the one I ordered to try on, and they had a web cam on the runway so my Mom could even see me.

All in all, it was the first time that I was able to relax and have fun with dress shopping. I also felt like the decision was totally mine and while Winnie was excited for me and told me how pretty everything was, she didn't get over emotional and that made me able to focus and be clear-headed about the whole process and the decision. Which, once I decided, I got totally giddy and didn't want to take the dress off. Totally happy with my experience. Although, some champagne to celebrate would have been a nice addition. The dress gets in sometime in March, so I'll head back up to Atlanta then for my first fitting- I think Z might come and we'll make a week-end of it. And then I'm going to bring my Mom up there with me for my final fitting.

The Js were at the movies seeing "Jackass" while we were dress shopping, so we all met up for some lunch after. That night, J and I met up with one of his friends from High School and her boyfriend for dinner at Bistro Nico. More food, more champagne, lots of fun. I ended up calling it a night a little early since I was fighting off a cold, but otherwise I think we could have talked all night. His friend, A, is actually friends with my friend KT from my internship, which just goes to show what a small world it is. Once we got back to Winnie's, we all sat out on their deck around their fire pit with cider, swapping stories. A perfect end to a fall night.

I was sad to leave on Sunday morning. We all had brunch at Goldberg's before J and I headed back. It was a gorgeous, albeit slightly warm, fall day. I love Atlanta and could totally see us living there. It has lots of the perks of being in a big city- like a plethora of amazing restaurants- but I also never felt crowded or overwhelmed. And it is most definitely Southern. It was one of the most relaxing trips that J and I have been able to take together and I'm really looking forward to heading back soon.

But it is nice to be home. The moments that I feel the luckiest are totally mundane. Chasing the dog around the hallway, drinking coffee with a book on the couch, curled up in bed next to J watching late night TV. As much as I know that our little townhouse isn't permanent, it is terribly lovely for a first home. I've never been anywhere that felt so "ours" or so mine or even so permanent. Probably because I have never been with someone that has made me feel so secure or loved or stable. Home is where you are.