I reach out for you and our hearts collide.

(Cut Copy)

Confessions.

- I'm really cautious about watching/liking anything that's a remake. Especially of things that aren't that old. Especially when they aren't done as well as the original. Case in point? Rent the movie. On the one hand, I know I should be excited or something for great music or theatre or whatever getting new recognition. On the other, it breaks my heart to think that a whole generation might think that monstrosity is Rent in all it's glory. It's not. Or Skins? Really, MTV? So infuriating.

- I'm trying to be friends with an ex. I'm nervous for multiple reasons about it. But I feel like it's worthwhile.

- I used to be the kind of person who thought, "I have enough friends, I can't handle anymore. I don't have enough emotional energy to go around." And I'm not like that at all anymore. The more, the better. Since I've cut some toxic friends out of my life and I'm in a healthy, stable relationship I have emotional energy to share and spare. It's the actual energy part that's an issue.

- I just saw some recent pictures of myself- I had to get some taken at work for this online thing. I'm afraid that I'm developing a slight double chin. And I find that more terrifying than going up another size in pants. I've been going to the gym, but apparently I have to go even. more.

- Because I've been going to the personal trainer for two months. And I know that I would see some results if I'd starting going to the gym four or five times a week instead of two. Because I feel stronger- I can do more reps and heavier weights and longer cardio... but I'm not seeing a difference.

- On that same note, in the past two years, I've largely stopped wearing much make-up if I'm not going out. It's usually moisturizer, powder, blush and eyeliner. After seeing these pictures? I'm thinking I should probably step up my game. But I have a really hard time find foundation I love... I've tried Clinique, Smashbox, and MAC in the past few years. They're all either oily or make me look pasty... Suggestions?

- Also also. I want to do a boudoir photo shoot for a wedding present for J. But I'm sort of afraid the pictures will end up on the internet somewhere.

- The fact that my fiance is Cuban thrills me to no end, but even though he is (usually) bearded, tattooed and fluent in both Spanish and Portuguese, I feel like that sort of misrepresents who he is. Because he is the most Anglo Hispanic guy I have ever known. He speaks Spanish with an American accent. He loves Magic the Gathering, Star Wars and a band called Electric Six. And occasionally, we have conversations like the following from Monday night:

Me: I made pot roast for dinner
J: Did you make rice to go with it?
Me: No. It already has potatoes.
J: ...
Me: We never ate pot roast growing up. Is that how you're supposed to serve it?
J: Yeah, I think so.
Me: Really?
J: Honey, I don't know. You're the white one! ...But, I do want rice.

- I'm going to DC this week-end to see Z and I couldn't be more excited. Bridesmaid dresses, chick flicks, fall weather, and Ben's cheese fries. Which are worth at least an hour of cardio.

- I totally go back and revise old blog posts. I don't change content, and I try to  proofread as I go, but sometimes I look back on something and think- ack! I should have used a different tense or I have "you're" instead of "your" or what-have-you. And then I change it.

- Is it wrong that I'm totally viewing our wedding as opportunity to inflict my music on everyone?