(Dovetail Joint)
Nothing in life is perfect and every choice you make forces you to compromise. Situations, relationships, friendships, goals you want to meet. They all force you to make sacrifices, to do things you don't necessarily want to do, to choose between them even. But we all do it because we believe, we have to believe, that there's a purpose to it all, that there's some sort of destination or end game that you're trying to get to or trying to win. Except what if there isn't? At what point do you call an end to it, scrap your losses and start over? Again? What if, as my friend M said last night, that carrot that's dangling at the end of the string isn't there by the time you finally make it to the end of the string?
I don't think that I'm someone that lets go of things easily but I also don't stick around and wait for things to fall apart when it's evident that they're going to. There's only been one time in my life that I stuck around till long past the bitter end- and that clearly didn't give me the desired result. It's like, on the one hand, there will always be a small part of me that wishes that past lovers and I had reconciled or that I hadn't let particular friendships slip away or that I had done that semester abroad or whatever. Not because I regret where I am now, but because you always think about the road you didn't take- no matter what that road was and regardless of whether you think it would have led you to a good place or a not so good place.
At the same time, when I'm actively in the situation... I usually know when to cut my losses. Toxic friendship? Goodbye. Boyfriend with issues? I love you but, I've got to let you go, honey. Masters degree I hate? I'm moving to DC! Because I don't want to have regrets. I don't want to stick around and let my whole life fall apart because what I'm doing isn't working. I think if you're not happy, you should do whatever you feel you have to do- whatever is within your means and within reason- to change that. Because. I think that merely surviving isn't enough. I want to thrive. I want to have an extraordinary life. And thus far, I really have- the knowing when to quit and try a new tactic philosophy has worked for me pretty well so far. I've had great loves, I've traveled, I've lived in a completely new city, I've acquired not one but two master's degrees... I've danced on bars, I've stayed out all night, I've lived.
And now there is this whole new step and I just keep stumbling on it. I don't want to keep starting over. I'm at the point, in my life, friendships and relationship, where I feel like I've really built something. I don't want to scrap it all and move to a new city and try again. The desire to run isn't there anymore and I think, at this point, even if it were, I'd fight it with all I have because what I want? The life that I want? I feel like the foundation for it is right beneath my feet. I feel like that first step? Is right in front of me. And yet... I have days. Lots of days. Where I feel like what I'm doing simply isn't working.
What do you do when it feels like surviving and thriving are working at cross purposes? It feels like the fights I have are all about the same thing. The same argument, over and over. The days that totally suck? Are all exactly the same. The circumstances may vary a little a bit but overall, it just feels like a whole lot of stress and responsibility and not having any fun and not a whole lot of support. I have a friend who's Birthday is next week. I'm getting ready to send her card and she still hasn't mailed mine. Her life is busy and complicated. She has a new boyfriend, she's been sick, she's been studying for her CPAs, etc. And I know how she feels. But, my life is busy and complicated, too. And not getting that card anywhere near my Birthday? Sucked. Because it's such a simple, easy thing. All it takes is making it a priority and remembering.
And in general, I have days where I just feel like that all the time. Like, I'm putting the effort into my life- into the gym, or into a group project, or whatever- and I'm just not getting it back or getting the desired results. And not that I would end a friendship over a Birthday card, but. It would be really nice if I felt like I could shrug off some of this weight. If I felt like I had some help. Or even if I just felt like I wasn't always picking up the slack and getting the short end of the stick. I'm rational enough to know that everyday isn't like this, or every relationship or whatever. But on a day like this, it just feels like more of the same old thing. And not knowing what to do to overcome it or work around it is keeping me from living the life I want and from having the things I want and from being satisfied. And learning how to stick it out when it's past rough and I'm tired of it and I just don't want to is very hard some days.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
I wanna feel the change consume me, feel the outside turning in.
(Tool)
Today I am wearing the dress that I graduated in last May. It's a little snug. And that fact is sort of derailing my day. I'm slightly annoyed by the prospect of having to buy new clothes to replace pieces of a wardrobe that may or may not ever fit again. And I'm partially irritated because it's not a little snug in the butt or stomach or boobs. It's a little snug around my ribcage. I mean, how disheartening, right? Like, that's just growth. That's not even fat, it's like just what happens when you get older. Just like the number on the scale doesn't really translate to how I think my body looks on any given day. It's not even about the weight, it's about the places the weight has settled. I am trying to make peace with my body the way it is now. I'm trying to see things clearly and not emotionally.
Because when I put this dress on and felt how snug it was (it looks fine)- I had this inexplicable urge to try on every dress in my closet and see what fits and what doesn't. And I don't know why I feel this way. Rationally, I know that I'm a healthy size. My boyfriend still finds me attractive. I have cleavage (occasionally) for the first time in my life. I strive for a healthy lifestyle, which means letting myself eat things I want within reason without feeling guilty. I look at pictures of me a few years ago (totally naturally thin- I've never had an eating disorder or an unhealthy relationship with food) and I think about how thin looking my arms were or about how I really looked like I needed to gain a few pounds.
So you would think that gaining those few pounds would translate to me feeling more confident, not less. I guess it's just a bit of an identity crisis. My best friend nicknamed me Teeny because of my size. I don't know who I am not being small. I don't know if I'm pretty if I'm not tiny. And I'm still thin and I'm still young. But, I'm also trying to come to terms with the fact that it won't always be that way. I won't always be young and thin and wrinkle free. Being young and tiny didn't necessarily mean I was without my insecurities anyway. So, I guess I just have to work through this on a day to day basis. And that sort of sucks. But, when I feel like I do today in my slightly too tight dress, I try to focus on how much stronger I feel now. And capable. Like, I completed the 4th week of the Couch to 5K training program yesterday. And there's no way that I would have thought I could have done that a year ago.
Win some, lose some, I guess.
Today I am wearing the dress that I graduated in last May. It's a little snug. And that fact is sort of derailing my day. I'm slightly annoyed by the prospect of having to buy new clothes to replace pieces of a wardrobe that may or may not ever fit again. And I'm partially irritated because it's not a little snug in the butt or stomach or boobs. It's a little snug around my ribcage. I mean, how disheartening, right? Like, that's just growth. That's not even fat, it's like just what happens when you get older. Just like the number on the scale doesn't really translate to how I think my body looks on any given day. It's not even about the weight, it's about the places the weight has settled. I am trying to make peace with my body the way it is now. I'm trying to see things clearly and not emotionally.
Because when I put this dress on and felt how snug it was (it looks fine)- I had this inexplicable urge to try on every dress in my closet and see what fits and what doesn't. And I don't know why I feel this way. Rationally, I know that I'm a healthy size. My boyfriend still finds me attractive. I have cleavage (occasionally) for the first time in my life. I strive for a healthy lifestyle, which means letting myself eat things I want within reason without feeling guilty. I look at pictures of me a few years ago (totally naturally thin- I've never had an eating disorder or an unhealthy relationship with food) and I think about how thin looking my arms were or about how I really looked like I needed to gain a few pounds.
So you would think that gaining those few pounds would translate to me feeling more confident, not less. I guess it's just a bit of an identity crisis. My best friend nicknamed me Teeny because of my size. I don't know who I am not being small. I don't know if I'm pretty if I'm not tiny. And I'm still thin and I'm still young. But, I'm also trying to come to terms with the fact that it won't always be that way. I won't always be young and thin and wrinkle free. Being young and tiny didn't necessarily mean I was without my insecurities anyway. So, I guess I just have to work through this on a day to day basis. And that sort of sucks. But, when I feel like I do today in my slightly too tight dress, I try to focus on how much stronger I feel now. And capable. Like, I completed the 4th week of the Couch to 5K training program yesterday. And there's no way that I would have thought I could have done that a year ago.
Win some, lose some, I guess.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Tried to amend my carnivorous habits.
(Jimmy Buffett)
Things I never thought I would do before I moved in with a chef #28? Fry my own tortilla chips. Seriously, if I had seen that in a recipe I year ago I wouldn't have even looked twice at it. Because a.) who fries their own tortillas? and b.) why would you bother? The answers: a.) us, apparently. and b.) because they taste better than tortilla chips out of a bag. True story. They are crispier and denser and hold up much better to being baked or drenched in sauce or any other such thing a recipe might call for. And really? It isn't at all hard and only takes about 10 minutes longer.
Being with J has inspired me to try new things, trust my own instincts and really learn what I'm capable of doing. So, last week when I made pulled pork nachos (delicious) I fried the tortilla chips for them all on my own. And they were awesome.
Things I never thought I would do before I moved in with a chef #28? Fry my own tortilla chips. Seriously, if I had seen that in a recipe I year ago I wouldn't have even looked twice at it. Because a.) who fries their own tortillas? and b.) why would you bother? The answers: a.) us, apparently. and b.) because they taste better than tortilla chips out of a bag. True story. They are crispier and denser and hold up much better to being baked or drenched in sauce or any other such thing a recipe might call for. And really? It isn't at all hard and only takes about 10 minutes longer.
Being with J has inspired me to try new things, trust my own instincts and really learn what I'm capable of doing. So, last week when I made pulled pork nachos (delicious) I fried the tortilla chips for them all on my own. And they were awesome.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
from the mess to the masses
(Phoenix)
When I was a kid, I pretty much lived with my nose in a book. My Mom read to me all the time when I was little and I can't remember a time before I could pick up a book and thumb through it on my own. I still have all of my books from childhood- Little Golden books, a huge Disney reader, the complete Little House and Anne of Green Gables series' and many many more. My parents would buy me new books, of course, but they also took me scouring flea markets and second hand shops for books, too. I got a first edition set of the original House on Pooh Corner series from doing that. And, of course, there was many the Saturday trip to the library. I used to get as many books as I could carry. It really thrills me to see children doing that in the library now.
I can't wait to read to my kids.
I started using Goodreads to track what I'd read a few years ago, but recently a friend turned me onto Shelfari. I really like the way it's formatted. So, now I'm spending an obscene amount of time manually transferring my books over. It's sad, I know, but it's also the organization freak that I am. PaperBackSwap has also become my best friend. I only swap books that I truly detest or had to read for class or something, but it's a great way to pick up books I'm feeling so-so about without having to shell out the cash for them.
I've always been a really quick reader- I can totally devour a 300 page book in a single sitting if it's good enough. I read anything and everything- contemporary lit, young adult lit, chick lit, trashy romance novels, sci fi, classics, post-modernism. If I think it'll be interesting, I'll pick it up. And sometimes I totally judge by a cover. Which doesn't always end well. It led me to pick up The Gathering last summer (which somehow one the Man Booker prize in 2007). Ugh. There's just no telling which books will leave me cold and which ones will stay with me. I have books I've read dozens of times and books I can't bear to pick up again because they were so haunting. Every single one is an adventure. And even though I read a lot of crap, my friends seem to think I'm a pretty good judge of books- because they actually ask me what I've been reading. Maybe some of you will find it mildly interesting too.
By far, the best novel I've read recently is The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson. (I heard the movie is really good, too.) It manages to be really suspenseful without utilizing a bunch of typical murder mystery cliches. It also successfully jumps back and forth between two main protagonists and weaves together several story lines without being confusing or boring. There were some parts that were a bit graphic, but they were handled in a realistic manner- it wasn't sensationalism, which I appreciated. I am really looking forward to reading the other books in this series and I'd highly recommend it to anyone who is a fan of mysteries or thrillers.
I've also been wanting escapism reading lately. J started reading the Percy Jackson and the Olympians (Lightening Thief) series and I've followed suit. It's definitely young adult literature, but it's really entertaining and well written. If you liked any of the following, I think you would enjoy it- Susan Cooper's The Dark is Rising series (love), Harry Potter, or any of Rick Riordan's adult novels. I loved the Greek Mythology tie in and thought that it was handled really well (and accurately) and it was a super fast and easy read. A fair warning though: do not, I repeat, DO NOT see the movie that just came out. It was so terrible (and so far off from the plot of the book) that J and I walked out of the theatre before the end.
When I was a kid, I pretty much lived with my nose in a book. My Mom read to me all the time when I was little and I can't remember a time before I could pick up a book and thumb through it on my own. I still have all of my books from childhood- Little Golden books, a huge Disney reader, the complete Little House and Anne of Green Gables series' and many many more. My parents would buy me new books, of course, but they also took me scouring flea markets and second hand shops for books, too. I got a first edition set of the original House on Pooh Corner series from doing that. And, of course, there was many the Saturday trip to the library. I used to get as many books as I could carry. It really thrills me to see children doing that in the library now.
I can't wait to read to my kids.
I started using Goodreads to track what I'd read a few years ago, but recently a friend turned me onto Shelfari. I really like the way it's formatted. So, now I'm spending an obscene amount of time manually transferring my books over. It's sad, I know, but it's also the organization freak that I am. PaperBackSwap has also become my best friend. I only swap books that I truly detest or had to read for class or something, but it's a great way to pick up books I'm feeling so-so about without having to shell out the cash for them.
I've always been a really quick reader- I can totally devour a 300 page book in a single sitting if it's good enough. I read anything and everything- contemporary lit, young adult lit, chick lit, trashy romance novels, sci fi, classics, post-modernism. If I think it'll be interesting, I'll pick it up. And sometimes I totally judge by a cover. Which doesn't always end well. It led me to pick up The Gathering last summer (which somehow one the Man Booker prize in 2007). Ugh. There's just no telling which books will leave me cold and which ones will stay with me. I have books I've read dozens of times and books I can't bear to pick up again because they were so haunting. Every single one is an adventure. And even though I read a lot of crap, my friends seem to think I'm a pretty good judge of books- because they actually ask me what I've been reading. Maybe some of you will find it mildly interesting too.
By far, the best novel I've read recently is The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson. (I heard the movie is really good, too.) It manages to be really suspenseful without utilizing a bunch of typical murder mystery cliches. It also successfully jumps back and forth between two main protagonists and weaves together several story lines without being confusing or boring. There were some parts that were a bit graphic, but they were handled in a realistic manner- it wasn't sensationalism, which I appreciated. I am really looking forward to reading the other books in this series and I'd highly recommend it to anyone who is a fan of mysteries or thrillers.
I've also been wanting escapism reading lately. J started reading the Percy Jackson and the Olympians (Lightening Thief) series and I've followed suit. It's definitely young adult literature, but it's really entertaining and well written. If you liked any of the following, I think you would enjoy it- Susan Cooper's The Dark is Rising series (love), Harry Potter, or any of Rick Riordan's adult novels. I loved the Greek Mythology tie in and thought that it was handled really well (and accurately) and it was a super fast and easy read. A fair warning though: do not, I repeat, DO NOT see the movie that just came out. It was so terrible (and so far off from the plot of the book) that J and I walked out of the theatre before the end.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
now we are (twenty) six
(A.A. Milne)
Ho hum. I turned twenty-six Tuesday, which seems a bit unreal to me. The days leading up to the birth-day were messy and complicated. Lots of minor things, but lots of minor things that are bothering you can definitely lead to an overwhelming sense of unease and unsatisfaction. The twenty-third came and went, taking what was hopefully the last cool day of spring with it... and suddenly I am on the other side, in more ways than one.
Now, I can feel summer stretching out before me in an endless wave of haze and salt and chlorine. Summer means long days and the eternal promise of extra time. Time to laze, relax, read, enjoy. Time to just live in the moment. And somehow that promise of summer has made me feel like perhaps, on the other side of twenty-five, there is a whole stretch of life out in front of me, too. Full of tiny, perfect moments just waiting to be had.
Now, I can feel summer stretching out before me in an endless wave of haze and salt and chlorine. Summer means long days and the eternal promise of extra time. Time to laze, relax, read, enjoy. Time to just live in the moment. And somehow that promise of summer has made me feel like perhaps, on the other side of twenty-five, there is a whole stretch of life out in front of me, too. Full of tiny, perfect moments just waiting to be had.
Friday, March 26, 2010
I just want to feel some sunshine.
(Everclear)
Today has been full of small perfections. J and I have been making an effort to get up earlier every day, so today we let ourselves sleep in. Until 10:00! Living on the edge, I know. Then we had brunch together and picked up some rugelach for snacking on today. The weather is surprisingly pretty (it was supposed to storm) and after brunch we walked to Barnes and Noble and picked up odds and ends including the second of Stieg Larsson's novels, The Girl Who Played with Fire. Then, we drove home in the sunshine and I put on sunscreen (best smell on Earth) and a bathing suit for the first time this year and sat out in the backyard while Sam played and I read the first half of the March issue of Vanity Fair.
Showers, making a grocery list and grocery shopping, as well as a trip to Petsmart for flea medicine for the dog and a trip to the gym are all on the agenda for this afternoon. J has plans for the night and I am going to enjoy a bath, Food and Wine magazine and this week's Grey's Anatomy. Lovely lovely Friday.
Today has been full of small perfections. J and I have been making an effort to get up earlier every day, so today we let ourselves sleep in. Until 10:00! Living on the edge, I know. Then we had brunch together and picked up some rugelach for snacking on today. The weather is surprisingly pretty (it was supposed to storm) and after brunch we walked to Barnes and Noble and picked up odds and ends including the second of Stieg Larsson's novels, The Girl Who Played with Fire. Then, we drove home in the sunshine and I put on sunscreen (best smell on Earth) and a bathing suit for the first time this year and sat out in the backyard while Sam played and I read the first half of the March issue of Vanity Fair.
Showers, making a grocery list and grocery shopping, as well as a trip to Petsmart for flea medicine for the dog and a trip to the gym are all on the agenda for this afternoon. J has plans for the night and I am going to enjoy a bath, Food and Wine magazine and this week's Grey's Anatomy. Lovely lovely Friday.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Love is when you wanna kiss and you get bit (Part 2)
(Jet)
Bet you were wondering when I'd finally get around to talking about our cat, Joe. I'm not really a cat person, but I just love Joe. We're pretty sure that he's a Bengal, based on his coloring and features and some of his mannerisms. J rescued him from a shelter when he was just a wee thing- which was about three years ago. Joe is a pretty typical cat, fairly independent but sociable. Or at least he was independent until I moved in.
I made a huge effort to get Joe to like me because I knew he was J's baby. I think it's one of the reasons why Joe and I really bonded. He made me work for it- and somehow that makes it mean more. When Joe finally hopped in my lap for the first time, it was like I had won some sort of battle. And when a cat loves you- you know it's for real. We love Sam but Sam loves everyone. Joe is a bit more selective.
And now Joe is my baby too. He knows that I feed him and give him treats and brush him (and he knows that J is responsible for the litter box- that was a non-negotiable term of me moving in). He wakes me up every morning demanding pets. And he has a tendency to bite the shit out of me when he wants me to stop. He's also taken to curling up in my lap when I'm on the computer every day. And occasionally, when he's really happy with me, he'll rub his face against mine. It's pretty endearing.
Not so endearing? The fact that Joe has learned how to open doors. (We have the kind with the flat handles and he can pop those suckers right open if they're unlocked.) He's really smart- I even taught him how to play fetch (with hair ties) before we got Sam. Introducing Sam to the household (which so clearly belonged to Joe) was a bit of a trial. The first three days, Joe wouldn't come out from under the bed. It took two weeks for him to come to the foot of the stairs and almost a month before he would attempt reaching the living room- which is just past Sam's crate. They're still not buddies, but they tolerate each other- as long as Sam remembers that Joe is the boss.
Oh and did I mention that we built him a cat city in our spare bedroom? Yes, we are those people.
I never thought I would be that girl showing off pictures of her pets on her phone, but Joe and Sam have changed me. It's sort of pathetic and embarrassing- I dress them up for holidays, too- but it keeps things interesting. Our home simply wouldn't be complete without them.
Bet you were wondering when I'd finally get around to talking about our cat, Joe. I'm not really a cat person, but I just love Joe. We're pretty sure that he's a Bengal, based on his coloring and features and some of his mannerisms. J rescued him from a shelter when he was just a wee thing- which was about three years ago. Joe is a pretty typical cat, fairly independent but sociable. Or at least he was independent until I moved in.
I made a huge effort to get Joe to like me because I knew he was J's baby. I think it's one of the reasons why Joe and I really bonded. He made me work for it- and somehow that makes it mean more. When Joe finally hopped in my lap for the first time, it was like I had won some sort of battle. And when a cat loves you- you know it's for real. We love Sam but Sam loves everyone. Joe is a bit more selective.
And now Joe is my baby too. He knows that I feed him and give him treats and brush him (and he knows that J is responsible for the litter box- that was a non-negotiable term of me moving in). He wakes me up every morning demanding pets. And he has a tendency to bite the shit out of me when he wants me to stop. He's also taken to curling up in my lap when I'm on the computer every day. And occasionally, when he's really happy with me, he'll rub his face against mine. It's pretty endearing.
Not so endearing? The fact that Joe has learned how to open doors. (We have the kind with the flat handles and he can pop those suckers right open if they're unlocked.) He's really smart- I even taught him how to play fetch (with hair ties) before we got Sam. Introducing Sam to the household (which so clearly belonged to Joe) was a bit of a trial. The first three days, Joe wouldn't come out from under the bed. It took two weeks for him to come to the foot of the stairs and almost a month before he would attempt reaching the living room- which is just past Sam's crate. They're still not buddies, but they tolerate each other- as long as Sam remembers that Joe is the boss.
Oh and did I mention that we built him a cat city in our spare bedroom? Yes, we are those people.
I never thought I would be that girl showing off pictures of her pets on her phone, but Joe and Sam have changed me. It's sort of pathetic and embarrassing- I dress them up for holidays, too- but it keeps things interesting. Our home simply wouldn't be complete without them.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Distant from other interests on your favorite week-end
(Phoenix)
My toenails are bare for the first time in years. Senior year of high school, my friend Tina and I had a running Tuesday night date- chatting and painting our toenails. I kept up the practice of painting my own until a week before recruitment sophomore year when I got my first pedicure. Then, Z and I had a running date of getting them done every so often... we even have a favorite place here in Orlando. We went almost every other week the year we lived together and they still ask me where she is every time I go in there. Which isn't too often lately. Not having a job and a social reason to go, I haven't really been going.
I actually invested in some bottles of polish and other tools so that I could do them at home and fix it when I inevitably bump into something before the polish dries. I don't mind doing them myself, but it's so relaxing to go and have them done. Plus, they always turn out better. Unfortunately, the other day I didn't have time to fix it so I just took it all off and didn't bother to put it back on. It's a really strange feeling. 8 years of painted toes and now bare? It makes me feel kind of naked. I don't have the same hang-up about my nails. I mean, I love having a manicure, it always makes me feel put together, but I end up destroying it so quickly that I usually only get it done for special occasions anyway. Plus, I'm blessed to have super strong naturally long nails so as long as I file them, they always look pretty bare.
Pedicures though- I just think every foot looks better with a pedicure. And I'm not shy about color. Sometimes I base it off the season but mostly I just pick whatever suits me that day. I stay away from metallics and shimmers because they chip faster. French makes my feet look dead, so I stay away from that too. My favorite is a super saturated color with a high gloss factor. Most especially orange. Orange orange orange. I can only get away with it in the summer months and even then I have people that comment on it. I know it's a little different, but nothing looks better on a tanned foot than an orange pedicure, trust me. And seeing it just makes me happy. It's the color of sunshine.
Today I turn 26. I'm eating homemade donuts and getting a pedicure. An orange pedicure. And that is simply grand.
My toenails are bare for the first time in years. Senior year of high school, my friend Tina and I had a running Tuesday night date- chatting and painting our toenails. I kept up the practice of painting my own until a week before recruitment sophomore year when I got my first pedicure. Then, Z and I had a running date of getting them done every so often... we even have a favorite place here in Orlando. We went almost every other week the year we lived together and they still ask me where she is every time I go in there. Which isn't too often lately. Not having a job and a social reason to go, I haven't really been going.
I actually invested in some bottles of polish and other tools so that I could do them at home and fix it when I inevitably bump into something before the polish dries. I don't mind doing them myself, but it's so relaxing to go and have them done. Plus, they always turn out better. Unfortunately, the other day I didn't have time to fix it so I just took it all off and didn't bother to put it back on. It's a really strange feeling. 8 years of painted toes and now bare? It makes me feel kind of naked. I don't have the same hang-up about my nails. I mean, I love having a manicure, it always makes me feel put together, but I end up destroying it so quickly that I usually only get it done for special occasions anyway. Plus, I'm blessed to have super strong naturally long nails so as long as I file them, they always look pretty bare.
Pedicures though- I just think every foot looks better with a pedicure. And I'm not shy about color. Sometimes I base it off the season but mostly I just pick whatever suits me that day. I stay away from metallics and shimmers because they chip faster. French makes my feet look dead, so I stay away from that too. My favorite is a super saturated color with a high gloss factor. Most especially orange. Orange orange orange. I can only get away with it in the summer months and even then I have people that comment on it. I know it's a little different, but nothing looks better on a tanned foot than an orange pedicure, trust me. And seeing it just makes me happy. It's the color of sunshine.
Today I turn 26. I'm eating homemade donuts and getting a pedicure. An orange pedicure. And that is simply grand.
Monday, March 22, 2010
sometimes I get so hungry, think of pie all day
(Golden Smog)
I've been on a bit of a diet for the past few weeks, in an attempt to not only improve my health and eating habits overall, but also to lose some pudge. In addition to the aforementioned aims that J and I overtook, I've started eating a salad for lunch everyday before my internship. Partially because I need to eat more vegetables, partially for the less carbs, etc. It's definitely more than just lettuce, but I almost feel like it makes me hungrier in the long run. Clearly, I need to add some lean protein and nuts or something into the mix.
Anyway, there's a cafe in the library where my internship is and it's located on the first floor right across the lobby from Reference Services, which is where I'm at. They are invariably cooking, heating up or baking something delicious smelling at all hours of the day. Sometimes it's soup, or a bagel, or today it was popcorn. I have healthy snacks here and all, but sometimes I just really want whatever they're cooking. I discovered upon asking that sometimes I think I smell something and it really is just a reflection of whatever I'm craving or something I've seen recently. Point in case- yesterday I swore up and down that they were baking some kind of pie, like pecan or pumpkin, something slightly spicy and aromatic. Um, totally wrong. It was a grilled ham and cheese and some sort of lentil soup. Yeah, I don't know where I got pecan pie from that either, but clearly my subconscious is telling me something.
I'm not totally depriving myself of treats though- last week, I made a flourless chocolate cake for J's Birthday and some Honeycomb Bars (both from the "Baked" Bakery cookbook). Perhaps I should start posting the recipes?
I was going to make myself a pie this week for my Birthday, but there's a rumor floating around that J may make me some homemade donuts for my Birthday breakfast. Plus, we're having dinner that night at the Ravenous Pig, our favorite local restaurant, and I am definitely having dessert.
I've been on a bit of a diet for the past few weeks, in an attempt to not only improve my health and eating habits overall, but also to lose some pudge. In addition to the aforementioned aims that J and I overtook, I've started eating a salad for lunch everyday before my internship. Partially because I need to eat more vegetables, partially for the less carbs, etc. It's definitely more than just lettuce, but I almost feel like it makes me hungrier in the long run. Clearly, I need to add some lean protein and nuts or something into the mix.
Anyway, there's a cafe in the library where my internship is and it's located on the first floor right across the lobby from Reference Services, which is where I'm at. They are invariably cooking, heating up or baking something delicious smelling at all hours of the day. Sometimes it's soup, or a bagel, or today it was popcorn. I have healthy snacks here and all, but sometimes I just really want whatever they're cooking. I discovered upon asking that sometimes I think I smell something and it really is just a reflection of whatever I'm craving or something I've seen recently. Point in case- yesterday I swore up and down that they were baking some kind of pie, like pecan or pumpkin, something slightly spicy and aromatic. Um, totally wrong. It was a grilled ham and cheese and some sort of lentil soup. Yeah, I don't know where I got pecan pie from that either, but clearly my subconscious is telling me something.
I was going to make myself a pie this week for my Birthday, but there's a rumor floating around that J may make me some homemade donuts for my Birthday breakfast. Plus, we're having dinner that night at the Ravenous Pig, our favorite local restaurant, and I am definitely having dessert.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
What is it about you that I adore?
(Green Day. "At the Library")
The reference librarians at my internship think that I'm doing such a good job that they're letting me man the desk for an hour today- all by myself. I thought I'd take the opportunity to put to bed an issue that has been plaguing me (because other people have been plaguing me about it) since I decided to get a second master's in library science.
"So, what do librarians DO?"
The reference librarians at my internship think that I'm doing such a good job that they're letting me man the desk for an hour today- all by myself. I thought I'd take the opportunity to put to bed an issue that has been plaguing me (because other people have been plaguing me about it) since I decided to get a second master's in library science.
"So, what do librarians DO?"
I get asked this question a lot, usually from perfectly nice or well-meaning friends and acquaintances. Also, I get the "can't you just google it?" question a lot. For the record, no you can't. Google only actually brings back about 1/3 of what the web actually encompasses and often the results don't show you what's most valid first. Also, a good amount of the time, you aren't actually using the search terms that you need to be in order to get the results that you want. Not to mention the fact that the very best, most comprehensive resources, the ones you need for reports that are written by experts and peer-reviewed... those usually are found by searching a specialized database that google won't give you access to.
This is a great article on the subject and I am definitely getting a copy of the book: http://www.onthemedia.org/transcripts/2010/02/19/08
Additionally, reference help is only a small portion of what librarians "do". In addition to other things like cataloging (making items accessible and searchable) they also maintain collections, archive, provide technical services, etc etc etc. Basically, librarians are there to help people find and connect with information for any number of reasons. Besides helping people, librarians are also the stewards of our history. They decide what gets saved and how and are really the people that cultivate and maintain our culture. My classes have covered everything from learning how to search the internet to how to manage metadata to cataloging and learning how to hand-code (html).
I got my first Master's degree in Nonprofit Management mostly because I really wanted to work for a cultural nonprofit- a museum, specifically. I didn't really grasp that it was basically going to be an MBA dressed up in 501(c)(3) clothing. So, I toughed it out, got an amazing internship at a prestigious museum (in photo archives) and within two weeks, I just knew that I'd be going back to school. I loved the work- the archiving and cataloging and giving everything a place and labels and making it easy to find and the research and the saving history and just all of it. My classes have only confirmed that I'm doing exactly what I was meant to- and I never thought I'd have that, so I feel really lucky.
And I truly buy into all of it. The philosophy and the practice. I love the idea of connecting people with information. Information is power. Ideas are powerful. Preserving ideas- that's important, it's noble. And it truly helps people on an everyday basis. Plus, there's something about a library that makes me feel at once connected and energized and inspired... and also totally soothed and completely at home. I've also been lucky in that I've gotten nothing but an overwhelming amount of support, help, and kindness from people already in the profession. My teachers have been great, the people at my internships have been great, and even the people sending me letters of rejection about jobs I've applied for have been absolutely great. Seriously. There's a real community atmosphere to the information science profession and I appreciate that.
So, am I threatened by the all powerful Google? Absolutely not. I'm totally in support of initiatives that help connect people with information. And I don't really think it's going to oust me. Libraries and librarians have existed for thousands of years and will continue to exist for eons more. Technology changes and that means that libraries change- it doesn't mean they cease to exist or that they are any less needed. Of course I'm concerned about finding a job upon graduation- but that isn't due to technology, it's due to a recession.Which will hopefully be lifting sometime in the next year because I am way on track to graduate May 2011 and I really don't want to go back to school again.
This is a great article on the subject and I am definitely getting a copy of the book: http://www.onthemedia.org/transcripts/2010/02/19/08
Additionally, reference help is only a small portion of what librarians "do". In addition to other things like cataloging (making items accessible and searchable) they also maintain collections, archive, provide technical services, etc etc etc. Basically, librarians are there to help people find and connect with information for any number of reasons. Besides helping people, librarians are also the stewards of our history. They decide what gets saved and how and are really the people that cultivate and maintain our culture. My classes have covered everything from learning how to search the internet to how to manage metadata to cataloging and learning how to hand-code (html).
I got my first Master's degree in Nonprofit Management mostly because I really wanted to work for a cultural nonprofit- a museum, specifically. I didn't really grasp that it was basically going to be an MBA dressed up in 501(c)(3) clothing. So, I toughed it out, got an amazing internship at a prestigious museum (in photo archives) and within two weeks, I just knew that I'd be going back to school. I loved the work- the archiving and cataloging and giving everything a place and labels and making it easy to find and the research and the saving history and just all of it. My classes have only confirmed that I'm doing exactly what I was meant to- and I never thought I'd have that, so I feel really lucky.
And I truly buy into all of it. The philosophy and the practice. I love the idea of connecting people with information. Information is power. Ideas are powerful. Preserving ideas- that's important, it's noble. And it truly helps people on an everyday basis. Plus, there's something about a library that makes me feel at once connected and energized and inspired... and also totally soothed and completely at home. I've also been lucky in that I've gotten nothing but an overwhelming amount of support, help, and kindness from people already in the profession. My teachers have been great, the people at my internships have been great, and even the people sending me letters of rejection about jobs I've applied for have been absolutely great. Seriously. There's a real community atmosphere to the information science profession and I appreciate that.
So, am I threatened by the all powerful Google? Absolutely not. I'm totally in support of initiatives that help connect people with information. And I don't really think it's going to oust me. Libraries and librarians have existed for thousands of years and will continue to exist for eons more. Technology changes and that means that libraries change- it doesn't mean they cease to exist or that they are any less needed. Of course I'm concerned about finding a job upon graduation- but that isn't due to technology, it's due to a recession.Which will hopefully be lifting sometime in the next year because I am way on track to graduate May 2011 and I really don't want to go back to school again.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
The night vision shows she was only ducking the truth
(Kings of Leon)
I just finished Week 3 of the Couch to 5K challenge. Ugh. I am not built to run. But. I have lost 1 1/2 lb. since I started. So that is something, after all. Especially considering I only want to shave off 4 more. And most importantly, I feel better. Next week though is week 4 of the Couch to 5K challenge... so I'll be running for longer intervals and walking less. A bit nervous about that part.
Day 1- Couch to 5k Week 1, Day 1- Time: 35 minutes
Day 2- Wii Fit- Time: 20 minutes
Day 3- Couch to 5k, W1D2- Time: 35 minutes
Day 4- Walk Sam for 2 1/2 miles- Time: 45 minutes (He likes to stop. A lot.)
Day 5- Couch to 5k- W1D3- Time: 35 minutes
Day 6- Wii Fit- Time 21 minutes
Day 7- Couch to 5k- Week 2, Day 1- Time: 31 minutes
Day 8- Intro. to Iron Pumping- Shoulders, Chest, Triceps- Time: 30 minutes
Day 9- Couch to 5K, W2D2- Time: 35 minutes
Day 10- Dancing- Time: Unclear. At least 30 minutes
Days 11-17- Sick.
Day 18- Mall walking- Time: 2 hours (Three malls plus a target, it counts for at least two hours.)
Days 19-21- Sick.
Day 22- Walk Sam for 1 1/2 miles- Time: 30 minutes
Day 23- Couch to 5K, W2D2 (repeat)- Time: 35 minutes
Day 24- Wii Fit- 23 minutes
Day 25- Couch to 5K, W2D3- Time : 31 minutes
Day 26- Wii Fit- Time T.B.D.
Day 27- Couch to 5K, W3D1- Time- 30 minutes
Day 28- Walk Sam for 2 miles- Time: 30 minutes
Day 29- Couch to 5k- W3D2- Time: 31 minutes
Day 30- Walk Sam for 1 1/2 miles- Time: 20 minutes
Day 31- Couch to 5K, W3D2- Time: 30 minutes
Day 32- Walk Sam for 2 miles- Time: 35 minutes
Day 33- Couch to 5K, W3D3- Time: 32 minutes
I just finished Week 3 of the Couch to 5K challenge. Ugh. I am not built to run. But. I have lost 1 1/2 lb. since I started. So that is something, after all. Especially considering I only want to shave off 4 more. And most importantly, I feel better. Next week though is week 4 of the Couch to 5K challenge... so I'll be running for longer intervals and walking less. A bit nervous about that part.
Day 1- Couch to 5k Week 1, Day 1- Time: 35 minutes
Day 2- Wii Fit- Time: 20 minutes
Day 3- Couch to 5k, W1D2- Time: 35 minutes
Day 4- Walk Sam for 2 1/2 miles- Time: 45 minutes (He likes to stop. A lot.)
Day 5- Couch to 5k- W1D3- Time: 35 minutes
Day 6- Wii Fit- Time 21 minutes
Day 7- Couch to 5k- Week 2, Day 1- Time: 31 minutes
Day 8- Intro. to Iron Pumping- Shoulders, Chest, Triceps- Time: 30 minutes
Day 9- Couch to 5K, W2D2- Time: 35 minutes
Day 10- Dancing- Time: Unclear. At least 30 minutes
Days 11-17- Sick.
Day 18- Mall walking- Time: 2 hours (Three malls plus a target, it counts for at least two hours.)
Days 19-21- Sick.
Day 22- Walk Sam for 1 1/2 miles- Time: 30 minutes
Day 23- Couch to 5K, W2D2 (repeat)- Time: 35 minutes
Day 24- Wii Fit- 23 minutes
Day 25- Couch to 5K, W2D3- Time : 31 minutes
Day 26- Wii Fit- Time T.B.D.
Day 27- Couch to 5K, W3D1- Time- 30 minutes
Day 28- Walk Sam for 2 miles- Time: 30 minutes
Day 29- Couch to 5k- W3D2- Time: 31 minutes
Day 30- Walk Sam for 1 1/2 miles- Time: 20 minutes
Day 31- Couch to 5K, W3D2- Time: 30 minutes
Day 32- Walk Sam for 2 miles- Time: 35 minutes
Day 33- Couch to 5K, W3D3- Time: 32 minutes
Thursday, March 18, 2010
I don't have to leave anymore, what I have is right here.
(The XX)
I very much miss Conan O'Brien before bed every night (and I loathe Jay Leno) but I have to say that I am really enjoying Jimmy Fallon on "Late Night". Last night, he had Dakota Fanning on there- love her, even if her dress was too short (I'm becoming an old lady)- and it totally reminded me that I really want to see The Runaways when it comes out tomorrow. Times like this when I miss my bestie extra, because I know Z would go with me if she were here. Oh well, I just have to bribe J. My Birthday is on Tuesday after all.
Also, the musical guest last night was The XX. I can't remember who told me about them, probably Jimmy, but I actually listened to them for the first time last night and I'm totally digging them. It's chill and understated music, but also really cool sounding and mildly intense. I could totally get into them, so I used some of my last iTunes credits from Christmas to buy their album. I'll let you know what I think the more I listen to it.
I very much miss Conan O'Brien before bed every night (and I loathe Jay Leno) but I have to say that I am really enjoying Jimmy Fallon on "Late Night". Last night, he had Dakota Fanning on there- love her, even if her dress was too short (I'm becoming an old lady)- and it totally reminded me that I really want to see The Runaways when it comes out tomorrow. Times like this when I miss my bestie extra, because I know Z would go with me if she were here. Oh well, I just have to bribe J. My Birthday is on Tuesday after all.
Also, the musical guest last night was The XX. I can't remember who told me about them, probably Jimmy, but I actually listened to them for the first time last night and I'm totally digging them. It's chill and understated music, but also really cool sounding and mildly intense. I could totally get into them, so I used some of my last iTunes credits from Christmas to buy their album. I'll let you know what I think the more I listen to it.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
you better learn to crawl
(Kings of Leon)
Update!
I am on week 3 of the Couch to 5k challenge and man, it kicked my butt today. Which made me feel really out of shape. But, also really good because it made me even more determined to keep at it.
Day 1- Couch to 5k Week 1, Day 1- Time: 35 minutes
Day 2- Wii Fit- Time: 20 minutes
Day 3- Couch to 5k, W1D2- Time: 35 minutes
Day 4- Walk Sam for 2 1/2 miles- Time: 45 minutes (He likes to stop. A lot.)
Day 5- Couch to 5k- W1D3- Time: 35 minutes
Day 6- Wii Fit- Time 21 minutes
Day 7- Couch to 5k- Week 2, Day 1- Time: 31 minutes
Day 8- Intro. to Iron Pumping- Shoulders, Chest, Triceps- Time: 30 minutes
Day 9- Couch to 5K, W2D2- Time: 35 minutes
Day 10- Dancing- Time: Unclear. At least 30 minutes
Days 11-17- Sick.
Day 18- Mall walking- Time: 2 hours (Three malls plus a target, it counts for at least two hours.)
Days 19-21- Sick.
Day 22- Walk Sam for 1 1/2 miles- Time: 30 minutes
Day 23- Couch to 5K, W2D2 (repeat)- Time: 35 minutes
Day 24- Wii Fit- 23 minutes
Day 25- Couch to 5K, W2D3- Time : 31 minutes
Day 26- Wii Fit- Time T.B.D.
Day 27- Couch to 5K, W3D1- Time- 30 minutes
Day 28- Walk Sam for 2 miles- Time: 30 minutes
Day 29- Couch to 5k- W3D2- Time: 31 minutes
Update!
I am on week 3 of the Couch to 5k challenge and man, it kicked my butt today. Which made me feel really out of shape. But, also really good because it made me even more determined to keep at it.
Day 1- Couch to 5k Week 1, Day 1- Time: 35 minutes
Day 2- Wii Fit- Time: 20 minutes
Day 3- Couch to 5k, W1D2- Time: 35 minutes
Day 4- Walk Sam for 2 1/2 miles- Time: 45 minutes (He likes to stop. A lot.)
Day 5- Couch to 5k- W1D3- Time: 35 minutes
Day 6- Wii Fit- Time 21 minutes
Day 7- Couch to 5k- Week 2, Day 1- Time: 31 minutes
Day 8- Intro. to Iron Pumping- Shoulders, Chest, Triceps- Time: 30 minutes
Day 9- Couch to 5K, W2D2- Time: 35 minutes
Day 10- Dancing- Time: Unclear. At least 30 minutes
Days 11-17- Sick.
Day 18- Mall walking- Time: 2 hours (Three malls plus a target, it counts for at least two hours.)
Days 19-21- Sick.
Day 22- Walk Sam for 1 1/2 miles- Time: 30 minutes
Day 23- Couch to 5K, W2D2 (repeat)- Time: 35 minutes
Day 24- Wii Fit- 23 minutes
Day 25- Couch to 5K, W2D3- Time : 31 minutes
Day 26- Wii Fit- Time T.B.D.
Day 27- Couch to 5K, W3D1- Time- 30 minutes
Day 28- Walk Sam for 2 miles- Time: 30 minutes
Day 29- Couch to 5k- W3D2- Time: 31 minutes
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Stop and say hello.
(The Beatles)
My blog name is a mash-up of Penny Lane (yes, the Beatles song, but also the character from Almost Famous) and Layne Staley the lead singer of Alice in Chains.
To those of you who landed here trying to find Penny Flame from "Sober House" (and according to Google Analytics, that's quite a few of you)- sorry, but you've reached the wrong Penny. Her blog is here: http://www.becomingjennie.com/
That's all, more later.
My blog name is a mash-up of Penny Lane (yes, the Beatles song, but also the character from Almost Famous) and Layne Staley the lead singer of Alice in Chains.
To those of you who landed here trying to find Penny Flame from "Sober House" (and according to Google Analytics, that's quite a few of you)- sorry, but you've reached the wrong Penny. Her blog is here: http://www.becomingjennie.com/
That's all, more later.
Monday, March 15, 2010
they say you'll lose your nerve soon to claim identity
(Smashing Pumpkins)
Everyday I take a tiny step towards figuring out how to marry the life I had before with the one I have now so that I can be. I listen to songs and read old e-mails and look at old pictures and try to trace my path to here. I don't know how I got so lucky. I have a great life. And at the same time, I feel like I'm continually carrying around this baggage because I can't let go of everything that I've lost. I'm really starting to believe that sometimes you don't get over it, you just learn to live with it. And for me, that means something different everyday. I feel like I'm in some 6th stage of grief, the one they don't tell you about because it comes past acceptance.
It's bizarre, but it's only because I'm doing so much better that I can see how far I've come. I'm starting to feel good again about where I am and who I am. And that's kind of scary, for various reasons. Partially because it makes me miss things about the last time I was this happy- people, my 23 year old body, a way of life that will never come back because I didn't know how far from that I could fall before. And now I do. And I know how long it takes to get back here. But, I also know that it was all worthwhile and that I don't regret any of it. Yes, it all made me stronger, wiser, blahblahblah. But, more than that it made me aware of how fascinating and exciting and wonderful life can be. I just hope that I don't have to pay the same price for happiness that I did before.
Everyday I take a tiny step towards figuring out how to marry the life I had before with the one I have now so that I can be. I listen to songs and read old e-mails and look at old pictures and try to trace my path to here. I don't know how I got so lucky. I have a great life. And at the same time, I feel like I'm continually carrying around this baggage because I can't let go of everything that I've lost. I'm really starting to believe that sometimes you don't get over it, you just learn to live with it. And for me, that means something different everyday. I feel like I'm in some 6th stage of grief, the one they don't tell you about because it comes past acceptance.
It's bizarre, but it's only because I'm doing so much better that I can see how far I've come. I'm starting to feel good again about where I am and who I am. And that's kind of scary, for various reasons. Partially because it makes me miss things about the last time I was this happy- people, my 23 year old body, a way of life that will never come back because I didn't know how far from that I could fall before. And now I do. And I know how long it takes to get back here. But, I also know that it was all worthwhile and that I don't regret any of it. Yes, it all made me stronger, wiser, blahblahblah. But, more than that it made me aware of how fascinating and exciting and wonderful life can be. I just hope that I don't have to pay the same price for happiness that I did before.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
as your lips unfold, shakin' purple from the cold
(Kings of Leon)
I have been feeling so restless the past few days. I guess all that inactivity from being sick or something. Its a strangely familiar feeling this restlessness. Maybe its summer being so near that makes me yearn for so much. Sweat and sand and the smell of sunscreen. Summer is so rough and tumble and raw. It's simple, those wants. Satiation. Melting ice. A plunge into the deep end. The briefest breeze. The glare of the sun and the way that night feels on your skin in the summer. Like a kiss in the dark.
Ahem.
Anyway, the restlessness totally got my butt into the gym the past few days. So, I started back on Wednesday. Since I missed so many days, I am turning this into the 50 Day Challenge to make up the lost time. Here it is:
Day 1- Couch to 5k Week 1, Day 1- Time: 35 minutes
Day 2- Wii Fit- Time: 20 minutes
Day 3- Couch to 5k, W1D2- Time: 35 minutes
Day 4- Walk Sam for 2 1/2 miles- Time: 45 minutes (He likes to stop. A lot.)
Day 5- Couch to 5k- W1D3- Time: 35 minutes
Day 6- Wii Fit- Time 21 minutes
Day 7- Couch to 5k- Week 2, Day 1- Time: 31 minutes
Day 8- Intro. to Iron Pumping- Shoulders, Chest, Triceps- Time: 30 minutes
Day 9- Couch to 5K, W2D2- Time: 35 minutes
Day 10- Dancing- Time: Unclear. At least 30 minutes
Days 11-17- Sick.
Day 18- Mall walking- Time: 2 hours (Three malls plus a target, it counts for at least two hours.)
Days 19-21- Sick.
Day 22- Walk Sam for 1 1/2 miles- Time: 30 minutes
Day 23- Couch to 5K, W2D2 (repeat)- Time: 35 minutes
Day 24- Wii Fit- 23 minutes
Day 25- Couch to 5K, W2D3- Time : 31 minutes
Day 26- Wii Fit- Time T.B.D.
I have been feeling so restless the past few days. I guess all that inactivity from being sick or something. Its a strangely familiar feeling this restlessness. Maybe its summer being so near that makes me yearn for so much. Sweat and sand and the smell of sunscreen. Summer is so rough and tumble and raw. It's simple, those wants. Satiation. Melting ice. A plunge into the deep end. The briefest breeze. The glare of the sun and the way that night feels on your skin in the summer. Like a kiss in the dark.
Ahem.
Anyway, the restlessness totally got my butt into the gym the past few days. So, I started back on Wednesday. Since I missed so many days, I am turning this into the 50 Day Challenge to make up the lost time. Here it is:
Day 1- Couch to 5k Week 1, Day 1- Time: 35 minutes
Day 2- Wii Fit- Time: 20 minutes
Day 3- Couch to 5k, W1D2- Time: 35 minutes
Day 4- Walk Sam for 2 1/2 miles- Time: 45 minutes (He likes to stop. A lot.)
Day 5- Couch to 5k- W1D3- Time: 35 minutes
Day 6- Wii Fit- Time 21 minutes
Day 7- Couch to 5k- Week 2, Day 1- Time: 31 minutes
Day 8- Intro. to Iron Pumping- Shoulders, Chest, Triceps- Time: 30 minutes
Day 9- Couch to 5K, W2D2- Time: 35 minutes
Day 10- Dancing- Time: Unclear. At least 30 minutes
Days 11-17- Sick.
Day 18- Mall walking- Time: 2 hours (Three malls plus a target, it counts for at least two hours.)
Days 19-21- Sick.
Day 22- Walk Sam for 1 1/2 miles- Time: 30 minutes
Day 23- Couch to 5K, W2D2 (repeat)- Time: 35 minutes
Day 24- Wii Fit- 23 minutes
Day 25- Couch to 5K, W2D3- Time : 31 minutes
Day 26- Wii Fit- Time T.B.D.
Friday, March 12, 2010
well I don't know if this is living or just something to do
(Fight From Above)
I've been listening to two bands a lot lately, one because they turn quite the pretty phrase (Fight From Above) and one because even though their lyrics often make zero sense, the lead singer has the kind of voice that it doesn't really matter what he's saying (Kings of Leon). I do this, I get stuck on a particular song for days or weeks or even hours. I used to get so restless that I would drive in circles at insane hours of the night just hitting repeat. Later when I moved to DC and that wasn't an option, I would blog and listen to the same thing over and over.
Sometimes there's no how or why- something just sticks in my head, even only part of a song, an intro or a riff, and I have to hear it. Over and over until I'm totally sick of it. Other times, a particular phrase will catch me, right in the gut. It's just so true to a moment or a feeling and it feels so completely real. Like the universe is all aligned or some shit. Except that it often happens at the worst possible of times. It's ironic, it makes me feel like I'm laughing at some great cosmic joke- even if it's on me.
But the driving, the music on repeat, it's soothing. The feeling is familiar and it makes whatever else is running around in my head clearer. The driving, the music, it's all about focus. And that leaves little room for excess garbage. You can't tell from this post, but the driving helped unwind me tonight.
I just feel like maybe I'm rushing everything. Like maybe I feel so old because I'm trying so hard to get it right. What does it say about me that being in pain allowed me to be reckless- that being reckless made me feel free and wild and alive? I don't want the things I used to want, don't get satisfaction from the things I used to, and I'm feeling the weight of this huge transition that's been taking place for the past two years. I am just so so tired so so often. And I just want to hit pause and figure out how to move forward before my youth is completely gone. I suddenly feel like I have to figure out everything right now. Because I don't want what I wanted before but I want to feel the way that I did when I did. I don't miss the heartache or the shitty people or the alcoholic haze or any of the regret. But I miss my friends and I miss feeling a part of something and I miss just driving in the car and feeling like I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to. Because I don't know how to be, just be, now.
I've been listening to two bands a lot lately, one because they turn quite the pretty phrase (Fight From Above) and one because even though their lyrics often make zero sense, the lead singer has the kind of voice that it doesn't really matter what he's saying (Kings of Leon). I do this, I get stuck on a particular song for days or weeks or even hours. I used to get so restless that I would drive in circles at insane hours of the night just hitting repeat. Later when I moved to DC and that wasn't an option, I would blog and listen to the same thing over and over.
Sometimes there's no how or why- something just sticks in my head, even only part of a song, an intro or a riff, and I have to hear it. Over and over until I'm totally sick of it. Other times, a particular phrase will catch me, right in the gut. It's just so true to a moment or a feeling and it feels so completely real. Like the universe is all aligned or some shit. Except that it often happens at the worst possible of times. It's ironic, it makes me feel like I'm laughing at some great cosmic joke- even if it's on me.
But the driving, the music on repeat, it's soothing. The feeling is familiar and it makes whatever else is running around in my head clearer. The driving, the music, it's all about focus. And that leaves little room for excess garbage. You can't tell from this post, but the driving helped unwind me tonight.
I just feel like maybe I'm rushing everything. Like maybe I feel so old because I'm trying so hard to get it right. What does it say about me that being in pain allowed me to be reckless- that being reckless made me feel free and wild and alive? I don't want the things I used to want, don't get satisfaction from the things I used to, and I'm feeling the weight of this huge transition that's been taking place for the past two years. I am just so so tired so so often. And I just want to hit pause and figure out how to move forward before my youth is completely gone. I suddenly feel like I have to figure out everything right now. Because I don't want what I wanted before but I want to feel the way that I did when I did. I don't miss the heartache or the shitty people or the alcoholic haze or any of the regret. But I miss my friends and I miss feeling a part of something and I miss just driving in the car and feeling like I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to. Because I don't know how to be, just be, now.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
There are no words.
Dear Sports Bra Manufacturers,
Just because I don't rock a C-Cup or larger does not mean that I don't need any support in my sports bras. I would prefer the girls to be perky as long as possible, too, thanks. Alternatively, I'd like them to not be smashed down. I'm not 12, they are there, and having them flattened against my chest is neither comfortable nor attractive. Happy medium, please.
Sincerely,
Me
Seriously though, anybody have any good recommendations out there for comfortable, attractive and somewhat affordable sports undergarments? I don't mind buying cheap shorts and tees, but cheap sports bras just lead to frustration and there really aren't a lot of options for those of us on the smaller end of the spectrum. Like, either a nylon strip with a rubber band around the bottom or a double layer ace bandage wrap. I just want something that looks relatively cute but the holds me all in place. I want something that's not super high cut in the front too. I'd like a little cleave or at least not a turtleneck. I used to love the ones Victoria Secret made but they've totally changed styles in the past year and I'm not a fan of the changes. Help.
On the bright side, I totally love the newest running shorts I bought from Lululemon. Maybe they have good sports bras.
Just because I don't rock a C-Cup or larger does not mean that I don't need any support in my sports bras. I would prefer the girls to be perky as long as possible, too, thanks. Alternatively, I'd like them to not be smashed down. I'm not 12, they are there, and having them flattened against my chest is neither comfortable nor attractive. Happy medium, please.
Sincerely,
Me
Seriously though, anybody have any good recommendations out there for comfortable, attractive and somewhat affordable sports undergarments? I don't mind buying cheap shorts and tees, but cheap sports bras just lead to frustration and there really aren't a lot of options for those of us on the smaller end of the spectrum. Like, either a nylon strip with a rubber band around the bottom or a double layer ace bandage wrap. I just want something that looks relatively cute but the holds me all in place. I want something that's not super high cut in the front too. I'd like a little cleave or at least not a turtleneck. I used to love the ones Victoria Secret made but they've totally changed styles in the past year and I'm not a fan of the changes. Help.
On the bright side, I totally love the newest running shorts I bought from Lululemon. Maybe they have good sports bras.
2000 years of chasing taking its toll
(Kings of Leon)
Hmmm.... I am debating whether or not I am finally well enough to go back to the gym today. I am feeling mostly better after completely losing my voice this week-end (this cold, it lingers) but I still have a bit of a cough and I don't want to end up with another week of this crap. Everyone says no working out when the sick is below the throat (because of your lungs) but I am just so tired of not moving. And it's really pretty outside! Like, in the 70's. And sunny.
I hate that I haven't been in the gym in so long and I just feel like a lump. Maybe I will ease into it today and take the dog for a very long walk? I'm also wondering if I should start my 40 Day Challenge over since I have missed so many days of it? There were two days of non-conventional exercise in the form of mall walking and dancing before I got sick and then this past Saturday, JGIWC and I conquered three malls and a Target, so that was a lot of activity... but still, I feel like a lump.
Hmmm.... I am debating whether or not I am finally well enough to go back to the gym today. I am feeling mostly better after completely losing my voice this week-end (this cold, it lingers) but I still have a bit of a cough and I don't want to end up with another week of this crap. Everyone says no working out when the sick is below the throat (because of your lungs) but I am just so tired of not moving. And it's really pretty outside! Like, in the 70's. And sunny.
I hate that I haven't been in the gym in so long and I just feel like a lump. Maybe I will ease into it today and take the dog for a very long walk? I'm also wondering if I should start my 40 Day Challenge over since I have missed so many days of it? There were two days of non-conventional exercise in the form of mall walking and dancing before I got sick and then this past Saturday, JGIWC and I conquered three malls and a Target, so that was a lot of activity... but still, I feel like a lump.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Love is when you wanna kiss and you get bit (Part One)
(Jet)
This is our dog. (He doesn't actually bite.) He's supposedly a Ridgeback/Boxer mix (even though everyone asks me if he's a Pit Bull) but he's basically a mutt. Now that he's healthy again, he weighs about 60 pounds. He likes bones, digging holes, and pooping directly in the middle of the dog park. He does not like baths, rain, or sprinklers.
We adopted Sam from what we thought was a pretty reputable rescue shelter. After lots of discussion and debate, various visits, and online searching we chose Sam. Partially because he was supposed to be fully grown and housebroken, partially because his picture online looked like he was grinning at you, and partially because the day we met him he was the happiest dog in the whole place. When Sam sees you, whether it's for the first or fiftieth time regardless of whether you've been gone three days or five minutes, he wags his whole body out of sheer excitement.
Based on the information from the shelter, we had certain expectations. We knew that the original foster family had spent a lot of money getting Sam his shots, curing him of demodectic mange (the non-contagious kind) and getting him fixed. Even though he had an odd wound on his back leg, the person at the shelter who arranged our adoption reassured us that his mange was gone and that he was a healthy dog.
She lied.
Call me naive, but we really believed her, right up until day three when Sam got uncontrollable diarrhea and was scratching at himself like a meth head. A trip to the vet confirmed that we had a very sick pup. Demodectic mange (non-contagious kind), an ear infection, bacterial infection in his stomach, tape worm, etc. etc. We came home, $400 poorer and a whole lot wiser.
The mange was obviously the hardest problem to tackle and it took about 2 months to completely clear up. Everything else was pretty easily remedied (I highly recommend pumpkin puree and white rice if your dog has an upset tummy). Despite our best efforts to keep him healthy, I've taken Sam to the vet 6 times since we got him. For various check-ups, but also for a staph infection that developed as a complication from the mange (lovely) and also for a horrific choking incident that was cleared up by the time I actually got him to the vet.
Having Sam has convinced me, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I am a officially a grown-up. Cats and dogs are not at all alike. I knew this before we got Sam, but I wasn't really prepared for the massive change having him would have on our lives. He's actually a very good dog- watching "The Dog Whisperer" has convinced me of that- besides the health problem, the only real thing is a chewing habit that we're trying to break. He's learned not to bark or jump and he knows sit, stay, go to bed, and he's learning how to shake.
But, God, is he lucky that he's cute. Because, occasionally, I want to wring his neck.
Things I have googled since we got Sam:
- gassy dog
- dog poop bright yellow
- dog eats flip flop
- dog chews walls
- dog diarrhea causes
- dog vomits pieces of bone
- dog eats hair ties
- dog licks paws constantly
- dog hair removal
- how to keep dog and cat toys separate
- aggressive cat and passive dog
- fixed dog still humps things?
Despite the sickness and the copious amounts of hair on everything we own and the numerous mis-steps on our part, we've muddled through and reached a point where most of the time, life is fairly harmonious. I mean, there are days like yesterday, when Sam decides to mark his territory and piss all over the side of Joe's litter box (try cleaning that up) or days when he wakes up in the morning and spews yellow vomit all over my hallway, but in all seriousness, most days he just makes me laugh. It's sort of inspirational- no matter what happens to him or how sick he is, Sam bounces right back. It's taken a while, but we're totally in love with our pup.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
I came as a rat.
(Modest Mouse)
I believe that guys and girls can totally be platonic friends. Even when they've had a past. Unfortunately, the significant other of one of my male friend's doesn't agree. The story is a bit more complex than this but basically... It's completely covert but, she's snubbed me repeatedly in the past few months. Several minor things have happened, but a mutual friend of ours hasn't been on the receiving end of this so I know it's directed at me. The icing on the cake was getting kicked off of their Christmas card list.
I mean, really? But, it hurt my feelings. And now I don't really know how to proceed. I can't say anything without coming off looking like the bad guy- and ultimately, saying anything wouldn't win me any brownie points anyway. The last thing I want to do is come between them. Which basically leaves me with what I've been doing, which is backing off from the friendship quietly. At the same time, I don't want him to think that I just don't care.
So, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place... What would you do if you were in a similar situation? Have you been in a similar situation? This is totally unique to me. For various reasons, not really due to bad break-ups, I'm not really friends with any other "ex-boyfriends" except for my childhood sweetheart and we've been friends since we were 12, so it's sort of a different situation. Also, we both take pains to make any potential significant others aware of our friendship early on so it doesn't become an issue. And it's totally different with my male friends that I haven't dated... though, admittedly, there aren't that many of them. Is there anyway around this besides just chalking it up to a loss?
I believe that guys and girls can totally be platonic friends. Even when they've had a past. Unfortunately, the significant other of one of my male friend's doesn't agree. The story is a bit more complex than this but basically... It's completely covert but, she's snubbed me repeatedly in the past few months. Several minor things have happened, but a mutual friend of ours hasn't been on the receiving end of this so I know it's directed at me. The icing on the cake was getting kicked off of their Christmas card list.
I mean, really? But, it hurt my feelings. And now I don't really know how to proceed. I can't say anything without coming off looking like the bad guy- and ultimately, saying anything wouldn't win me any brownie points anyway. The last thing I want to do is come between them. Which basically leaves me with what I've been doing, which is backing off from the friendship quietly. At the same time, I don't want him to think that I just don't care.
So, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place... What would you do if you were in a similar situation? Have you been in a similar situation? This is totally unique to me. For various reasons, not really due to bad break-ups, I'm not really friends with any other "ex-boyfriends" except for my childhood sweetheart and we've been friends since we were 12, so it's sort of a different situation. Also, we both take pains to make any potential significant others aware of our friendship early on so it doesn't become an issue. And it's totally different with my male friends that I haven't dated... though, admittedly, there aren't that many of them. Is there anyway around this besides just chalking it up to a loss?
Friday, March 5, 2010
With a girl named Linda Lou.
(Llynard Skynard. Sometimes my post's content is in no way related to the title.)
So I started my internship this week. So far, it's going great! It's only 3-4 days a week for 3 or 4 hours shifts, which is the perfect amount of time. I still have time to get all my other stuff done, but I'm there long enough to get settled in. It seems like a great environment. The library is a municipal (not county) and they have a lot of regular patrons. It's the type of place that takes care of it's own. Everyone is really nice- for example, my first day there the Assistant Director sat down to speak with me for 20 minutes about my career goals and how this internship will fit into that. He said that they are basically going to treat me like a regular staff member/ librarian because that translates to a better experience and more marketability for me. I've already gotten great hands on experience- I've handled inter library loan requests, assisted people with the computers and printers, and fielded questions that have been called in. Yesterday, this lady wanted to know if the DMV was still in the same place. (It was.) In between, I work on homework and on a few projects. I'm checking all of our Best of the Web links, updating our Pathfinders (starting points for reference questions) and transcribing bibliographies. I love it. I love just being in a library, it feels like home. But that's another post entirely.
So I started my internship this week. So far, it's going great! It's only 3-4 days a week for 3 or 4 hours shifts, which is the perfect amount of time. I still have time to get all my other stuff done, but I'm there long enough to get settled in. It seems like a great environment. The library is a municipal (not county) and they have a lot of regular patrons. It's the type of place that takes care of it's own. Everyone is really nice- for example, my first day there the Assistant Director sat down to speak with me for 20 minutes about my career goals and how this internship will fit into that. He said that they are basically going to treat me like a regular staff member/ librarian because that translates to a better experience and more marketability for me. I've already gotten great hands on experience- I've handled inter library loan requests, assisted people with the computers and printers, and fielded questions that have been called in. Yesterday, this lady wanted to know if the DMV was still in the same place. (It was.) In between, I work on homework and on a few projects. I'm checking all of our Best of the Web links, updating our Pathfinders (starting points for reference questions) and transcribing bibliographies. I love it. I love just being in a library, it feels like home. But that's another post entirely.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
my fingertips are holding onto the cracks in our foundation
(Kate Nash)
Uggghhhh. I was not planning on taking a four day break from the blog or the gym, but sometimes life just drop kicks you in the face and you don't have a choice in the matter. I knew it was going to be a busy week-end, I didn't know that I was going to get sick on Sunday- though looking back, I can sort of see it coming. It's a head cold, I'm fine blah blah blah, but it has seriously slowed me down the past few days.
I am a whiny little kid when I'm sick. I was sick all the time when I was little- I had 1,001 allergies- and I was home and in and out of the nurse's office all the time. I actually had a guidance counselor tell me when I was, like, six that the world didn't stop turning because I had a headache. Except for me, it does. Not because the headaches or illnesses or whatever are so bad, but because I make it so much worse by being upset and frustrated that I'm sick and there's nothing that I can do about it.
I'm not good at powering through.
Still. This week-end was grand in many ways. Some of our friends got married on Friday and a whole bunch of us celebrated downtown on Friday night. We spent the majority of the night eating and drinking wine at this place called Ceviche. Awesome atmosphere, great live Spanish music. I had too much to drink and talked to J's best friend's girlfriend, ST, all night. It was a lot of fun. Afterwards, we decided to go to 80's night at Backbooth, of which I remember very little. There was a shot of SoCo and lime (my signature), some dancing, some stumbling, and then a drunken trek back to car- barefoot. Barefoot in downtown Orlando. I'm lucky all I got was a head cold and not syphilis or something worse.
I woke up on Saturday with a raging hangover. I should mention that I have not had that much to drink since approximately November 2008. J and I ate Dunkin Donuts- God help us. Then we went to his parents house and ate and hung out. I spent some time with his niece, who is about three weeks old, and his nephew who is almost two. Adorable. I love J's family. They are big and loud and affectionate. Everyone knows what's going on with everyone else. I can understand why that would be a pain sometimes and I'm sure planning our eventual wedding is going to be an adventure, but it's also such a blessing in so many ways.
For example. When J's family decides that something needs to happen, it's like an army mobilizing. It's sort of wonderful. They have learned of my desire for employment and the troops are seriously rallying. J's Aunt made phone calls for me, another asked me for my resume, and J's sister, N, has been seriously great. She made phone calls, got me a potential job lead, and both called and e-mailed me today to let me know. And because I am J's girlfriend, I'm family. They don't think anything of doing it, of making the effort. This is the kind of family I always wanted to marry into- not just a big extended family- but a family that goes to Christenings and helps you find jobs and I lovelovelove my parents, don't misunderstand me. But, it's nice to have that kind of built in support system. On the other hand, I feel lucky that it's J's family and not mine. Having all those influences- it can be a lot of pressure. My family gave me the freedom to be independent and make my own choices and have my own opinions- even when they completely disagree with me, I've never had to doubt their support. My parents are my biggest fans and I feel so grateful that our children will have the best of both worlds.
Ahem. So Saturday night, J and I vegged. Because Sunday was his niece's Christening at 8:00am on the other side of town. Which was ok. J and I are spiritual. Not so much into organized religion. Especially doom and gloom and hellfire and brimstone religion. At 8:00 in the morning. We had a lovely breakfast with his family and then came home and napped. And when I woke up- that's when it hit. The headache, stuffy nose, sore throat, etc. I'm actually proud of myself for what I have been able to accomplish this week (with the help of Tylenol Severe Cold). A major project got turned in, two other assignments were finished, I haven't missed any days of my internship, I finally procured a box so that I can send Z a package, I got letters of recommendation sent for another job application, I had two phone dates, and J and I beat the game "Heavy Rain".
After my internship today, I am relaxing. Tomorrow is going to be spent getting ready to have a guest this week-end and a mini-reunion with some of my sorority sisters. Monday night, J and I are hosting a double Birthday dinner here- J's Birthday is Tuesday and his best friend's Birthday was yesterday. Next week-end, Megacon. Don't ask, I'm an awesome girlfriend. Also, a friend's Bridal Shower. Busy busy. My Birthday is on the 23rd and I'm just wishing for some warmer weather. My ideal Birthday would be at the beach- with a pina colada.
Uggghhhh. I was not planning on taking a four day break from the blog or the gym, but sometimes life just drop kicks you in the face and you don't have a choice in the matter. I knew it was going to be a busy week-end, I didn't know that I was going to get sick on Sunday- though looking back, I can sort of see it coming. It's a head cold, I'm fine blah blah blah, but it has seriously slowed me down the past few days.
I am a whiny little kid when I'm sick. I was sick all the time when I was little- I had 1,001 allergies- and I was home and in and out of the nurse's office all the time. I actually had a guidance counselor tell me when I was, like, six that the world didn't stop turning because I had a headache. Except for me, it does. Not because the headaches or illnesses or whatever are so bad, but because I make it so much worse by being upset and frustrated that I'm sick and there's nothing that I can do about it.
I'm not good at powering through.
Still. This week-end was grand in many ways. Some of our friends got married on Friday and a whole bunch of us celebrated downtown on Friday night. We spent the majority of the night eating and drinking wine at this place called Ceviche. Awesome atmosphere, great live Spanish music. I had too much to drink and talked to J's best friend's girlfriend, ST, all night. It was a lot of fun. Afterwards, we decided to go to 80's night at Backbooth, of which I remember very little. There was a shot of SoCo and lime (my signature), some dancing, some stumbling, and then a drunken trek back to car- barefoot. Barefoot in downtown Orlando. I'm lucky all I got was a head cold and not syphilis or something worse.
I woke up on Saturday with a raging hangover. I should mention that I have not had that much to drink since approximately November 2008. J and I ate Dunkin Donuts- God help us. Then we went to his parents house and ate and hung out. I spent some time with his niece, who is about three weeks old, and his nephew who is almost two. Adorable. I love J's family. They are big and loud and affectionate. Everyone knows what's going on with everyone else. I can understand why that would be a pain sometimes and I'm sure planning our eventual wedding is going to be an adventure, but it's also such a blessing in so many ways.
For example. When J's family decides that something needs to happen, it's like an army mobilizing. It's sort of wonderful. They have learned of my desire for employment and the troops are seriously rallying. J's Aunt made phone calls for me, another asked me for my resume, and J's sister, N, has been seriously great. She made phone calls, got me a potential job lead, and both called and e-mailed me today to let me know. And because I am J's girlfriend, I'm family. They don't think anything of doing it, of making the effort. This is the kind of family I always wanted to marry into- not just a big extended family- but a family that goes to Christenings and helps you find jobs and I lovelovelove my parents, don't misunderstand me. But, it's nice to have that kind of built in support system. On the other hand, I feel lucky that it's J's family and not mine. Having all those influences- it can be a lot of pressure. My family gave me the freedom to be independent and make my own choices and have my own opinions- even when they completely disagree with me, I've never had to doubt their support. My parents are my biggest fans and I feel so grateful that our children will have the best of both worlds.
Ahem. So Saturday night, J and I vegged. Because Sunday was his niece's Christening at 8:00am on the other side of town. Which was ok. J and I are spiritual. Not so much into organized religion. Especially doom and gloom and hellfire and brimstone religion. At 8:00 in the morning. We had a lovely breakfast with his family and then came home and napped. And when I woke up- that's when it hit. The headache, stuffy nose, sore throat, etc. I'm actually proud of myself for what I have been able to accomplish this week (with the help of Tylenol Severe Cold). A major project got turned in, two other assignments were finished, I haven't missed any days of my internship, I finally procured a box so that I can send Z a package, I got letters of recommendation sent for another job application, I had two phone dates, and J and I beat the game "Heavy Rain".
After my internship today, I am relaxing. Tomorrow is going to be spent getting ready to have a guest this week-end and a mini-reunion with some of my sorority sisters. Monday night, J and I are hosting a double Birthday dinner here- J's Birthday is Tuesday and his best friend's Birthday was yesterday. Next week-end, Megacon. Don't ask, I'm an awesome girlfriend. Also, a friend's Bridal Shower. Busy busy. My Birthday is on the 23rd and I'm just wishing for some warmer weather. My ideal Birthday would be at the beach- with a pina colada.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
And I guess that's why they call it the blues
(Elton John)
UGH. That sound you hear is me attempting to speak through the haze of sickness that has descended on my body. Why does it seem like you always get sick when you have the least amount of time to? I am a big whiny baby when it comes to being sick. I hate taking medicine unless I'm forced to, I get overly emotional, and I basically just want to sleep for 18 hours a day. Which simply isn't possible this week. The one thing I want to do more than anything is write, because so much has been going on the past few days, but I really really don't have time right this minute.
Also, I fell off the 40 Day Challenge wagon, folks. I feel terrible about it, but being sick plus two major assignments, a wedding, christening, and starting my internship has left me without time or energy to work-out. I was planning on restarting today, but now I've started coughing and you're not supposed to do cardio when you have a cough. What I'm thinking is that I'll do some light Intro. to Iron Pumping stuff until the cough goes away and then re-start the Couch to 5K challenge with Week 2. Technically, I'm supposed to be on Week 3, but I want to make sure I'm ready before I move on.
Bah. Huge post coming (hopefully) either tonight or tomorrow, I've already started working on it.
UGH. That sound you hear is me attempting to speak through the haze of sickness that has descended on my body. Why does it seem like you always get sick when you have the least amount of time to? I am a big whiny baby when it comes to being sick. I hate taking medicine unless I'm forced to, I get overly emotional, and I basically just want to sleep for 18 hours a day. Which simply isn't possible this week. The one thing I want to do more than anything is write, because so much has been going on the past few days, but I really really don't have time right this minute.
Also, I fell off the 40 Day Challenge wagon, folks. I feel terrible about it, but being sick plus two major assignments, a wedding, christening, and starting my internship has left me without time or energy to work-out. I was planning on restarting today, but now I've started coughing and you're not supposed to do cardio when you have a cough. What I'm thinking is that I'll do some light Intro. to Iron Pumping stuff until the cough goes away and then re-start the Couch to 5K challenge with Week 2. Technically, I'm supposed to be on Week 3, but I want to make sure I'm ready before I move on.
Bah. Huge post coming (hopefully) either tonight or tomorrow, I've already started working on it.
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