(Cage the Elephant)
2011 so far has just loved kicking me (in the teeth) when I'm down. It started with a head cold. Then I had that mole removed, endured the stitches and the antibiotics and the not bending over. Then the stitches came out, the nurse ripped my entire scab off and the damn thing is still healing. Finally, when that little incident was over, I came down with strep throat. The universe granted me a brief reprieve- literally a three day window of niceness- when Teddi was here last week-end and then my fiance promptly got food poisoning just in time for Valentine's Day! (Update: It was a stomach virus. Which I also caught. Hell.)
I know I'm not the first to wax on about the evils of WebMD. But this is the first time that it's actually freaked me out in relation to someone else and not myself. Love is constantly running around with your heart in someone else's hands. I cannot imagine having children, them being sick, and then having to wade through the fear-mongering that WebMD spewed at me yesterday. Seriously, it's like... "Well... it could be a flu-like virus. It could be food poisoning. Actually, it probably is just food poisoning! But, you know, just to be on the safe side, you haven't been on a cruise ship recently have you? Because it could be norovirus. Oh oh or malaria! And is your neck stiff? Because you know it might be meningitis..."
Literally, the highlight of my day yesterday was finding a new flavor (Cinnamon Raisin Swirl) of my favorite peanut butter (The Peanut Butter Company) at Publix. (Thus far they've only carried White Chocolate Wonderful, which is my jam [Haha. See what I did there?] and the Dark Chocolate Dreams- which is like a peanut butter version of Nutella.)
I don't even really give a shit that it was a bad Valentine's Day. It was simply a horrendous day in a series of not so good weeks. Everyone keeps saying that maybe 2011 is just getting this out of the way and Lord, I hope so. Because there is so so so much to look forward to and be happy about and events and endings and beginnings and girls trips and bridal showers and weddings and graduation and everything right around the corner and right now, I just want to crawl into a ball under my desk with my pack of cough drops and call it a day.
School is hard. It's my last semester. I'm literally counting down the days (70) till I'm done. I'm sure part of it senioritis, I'm so close to being done that I'm losing momentum. But, it's also just that this semester is ridiculously labor intensive. All group work and blog posts and semester long projects. It's worth it, of course, I'm not loathing my classes. But I am really ready to put the degree to use and spend my time in other ways.
Work is hard. I cried in my boss' office yesterday morning. It was mortifying and I don't really want to talk about it. Sometimes, I'm not sure that I'm the greatest fit here. I know that I'm smart and capable and I'm good at my job. But I'm really overwhelmed with every aspect of my life right now and coming in every day and having more things added to my work to-do list is starting to really get to me. Sometimes I think that people here (not my boss who is awesome but other people) forget that I am part-time and that I'm only supposed to be spending a very small portion of my time on collection development. I fully plan on addressing it at the next work flows meeting. Make me full time and pay me more or accept that you're going to have to wait for certain things to get done.
Exercise is hard. Things that are good for you are hard. Z, Winnie and I have a girl's trip in the ATL mid-April (cannot. wait.) and we collectively decided that signing up for a 5k while we were there would be a good idea. It's exactly enough time to finish Couch to 5k. So, I completed day 1 yesterday. Running outside is nothing like running on a treadmill. And I fucking loathe dieting. I don't have that much "weight" to lose, in fact, I'd be fine if I lost none and just toned up... so the amount of calories I'd have to eat in order to make a difference is pretty much the minimum I can eat before I starve. I'm a fairly healthy person to begin with, I mean- I like my donuts and all- but I believe in moderation and eating whole foods and trying to focus on drinking more water and eating more vegetables. I won't even bother telling you about my short foray into weight watchers.
Searching for a new job/additional job is hard. My assistantship ends in May when I graduate. And the debate over work-life-moving is semi-constant in my brain. Do I get another something part time? Do we move? At what point (price wise and other wise) is moving for a job worth it? When is it not? How long do we wait before we make that call? Do we really want to move out of Orlando before the wedding? We just had the damn house painted.
Amidst all the complaints, there are good things. J and I have both been cooking more. We are credit card debt free. We should be getting our first CSA bundle soon. The wedding planning is going pretty well- I found a dress for our engagement photos and some quite probable wedding shoes from BHLDN... and I ordered out cupcake toppers from Etsy. I read the first two books of The Hunger Games trilogy and I'm really enjoying them. Up next: finally reading The Chronicles of Narnia. Light reads before I can full indulge in summer beach reading. This fall's material was pretty heavy. Teddi was here last week-end! We shopped and ate and picked out a bridesmaid dress and ate some more. It was really great to have her here, shopping was glorious, and the meals were way beyond my diet but totally worth it.
Also, I finally got fitted for a bra for the first time since I gained weight. I cannot encourage you enough to do this. I've been wearing the same size since I hit puberty- 32 A. When I gained weight, I bumped it up to a 34 A. The girl measured me, said, "Well, you're about a 34 B, but I bet a 32 C would fit you the best." I laughed, took the bra, fully expected it to be too big and guess what? I am a 32 C. She handed me a little card with my size and everything- I think I might have it fucking framed. I really thought I'd have to get knocked up before I ventured into C territory. It's sort of changed my outlook- like, I might be pudgy but at least I am pudgy with C cups, you know?
I'm just so ready for the next two months to move by. I want life to return to normalcy, yes, in that I'd like us both to be healthy. But, I'm also so ready to be done with school and feel like I actually have time for things. Our lifestyle has made small changes and now I'm so beyond ready for some bigger ones.